Table 219 – Fauxdie’s Review

Taste: Nothing out of this world. I liked that the pancake of the day was chocolate chip (even though it was “chocolate” according to the server), because that brings me back to my childhood when my great-uncle would give me chocolate chip pancakes with ice cream on top. For breakfast. Anyhow, these came with bananas on top and while they tasted good, there wasn’t anything special. Same for the eggs. The bacon, however, was thick and fatty and delicious, but again, nothing special. The fruit that came with the meal? Wretched awful. *5/10*

Drinks: I only had water, so I can’t say. I heard the juice was good.

Texture: The pancakes weren’t particularly dense nor fluffy, probably because of the chocolate chips, and the bananas weren’t mushy.. a very good thing. Nothing to write home about for the bacon and eggs. *7/10*

Prettiness: It was breakfast, so I didn’t particularly care how pretty my food was, and I don’t think the restau did either. You know, it’s bacon, eggs, and pancakes, with a couple slices of fruit on the side. Bonus points for not throwing in a sprig of curly parsley like other establishments usually do. *4/10*

Atmosphere: Kinda hip, but not hipper-than-thou. Dinner might be a different story, though. We sat at a high table, 3 bottoms on the booth and one on a bar stool. I noticed that there were candles on the shelf between the booth and the wall, which would make for nice atmosphere at night—although it could be dangerous if someone were wearing too much Aquanet, as the candle is at about hair level for anyone taller than Vern Troyer. *6/10*

Service: Inattentive but not rude. *4/10*

Price: Reasonable for brunch, and you don’t have to order multiple entrees to feel satisfied. *7/10*

Total: *7/10*

Summary: A decent brunch spot on Cap Hill, though if you’re squeamish about special pancakes, don’t go here (they’re always special and can not be made plain). If you want to take a long, relaxed brunch in a semi-dark room (or on the small patio on Broadway), this is a nice place to go, and you won’t feel guilty about spending too much or eating too little; that just doesn’t happen here.

Txori Bar – Fauxdie’s Review

Taste:  The octopus was yummy, perfectly seasoned with paprika and olive oil where I could still taste the star of the dish; the bread slice it was served on was good, too (not to mention they dished out a good-sized tentacle).  The oxtail was nice and meaty and didn’t taste like it had been microwaved, thank goodness… honestly, though, I have no idea what oxtail should taste like.  It was meaty.  *7/10*

Drinks: I had a cocktail that included olive oil as an ingredient.  It really wasn’t bad– just gave me Oil Lips after each sip.  I wouldn’t say it was great, either.  If you don’t want to be adventuresome with your cocktails, the fully-stocked bar is also home to ingredients for cosmos and other more familiar delights.  *6/10*

Texture: The octopus had a marvelous texture– it was typical octopus texture a la chewy without being a rubberband, and the bread on which it was presented was crunchy without being impossible to bite through.  The oxtail kinda reminded me of pulled pork, in a good way.  *9/10*

Prettiness:  Teeny white plates made the portions appear relatively large (and they were, for a Seattle tapas bar).  Nothing too special.  *4/10*

Atmosphere: The bar at which one may sit seems cool, especially if you enjoy facing a wall o’ liquor.   The tables are small and meant for small groups (and, of course, small plates), but you could probably seat up to 16 if you squished a bunch of tables together against the longest wall at the place.  Plain atmosphere that doesn’t scream “Espana!”.  *5/10*

Service: It was pretty empty when we got there, but we still had to flag down the waitress.  All plates came out at different times, so if you’re one of those people who feels awkward before other people get their food, you’ll have an awkward minute or four if you dine here. *4/10*

Price: Not bad for a Seattle tapas bar, and it at least admits to be a small plates place (Lark, I’m snarking at you).   Prices for smaller tapas were quite reasonable; they were a bit high for those plates meant to be shared.  Drinks/wines were expensive, and I didn’t see any happy hour specials for beverages. *6/10*

Overall: *7/10*

Summary:  This is definitely a good place for the more adventuresome to go for drinks and snacks; certainly one couldn’t make a meal out of the food here, unless there were plans of emptying the wallet and over-doing it on rich food.  Try a little bit of everything, because there’s a little something for everyone (even if Foodie didn’t like the meatballs, the less adventuresome diner with us enjoyed them).  And who can resist telling friends that they downed an olive oil cocktail?

Monsoon – Fauxdie’s Review

Taste: I hate dim sum; I really do. However, Monsoon’s dim sum is tolerable for someone who hates eating Asian as much as I do. That is to say, it’s pretty damn good. The American brunch offerings were also pretty good, but this isn’t the best American brunch in town. *7/10*

Drinks: I had hot coffee (Victrola) and ice water– nothing special, but it’s nice to see they serve Victrola. *7/10*

Texture: Dim sum dumplings that aren’t soggy?! Sign me up! The caramelized pineapple texture was pretty good, and the French toast wasn’t soggy, even with syrup. Perfectly prepared pork belly. *9/10*

Prettiness: It didn’t seem like they tried to make things pretty, and there was nothing fancy about the plating. The brunch combo came with a lazy dollop of mustard far too near to my beloved pork belly. *4/10*

Atmosphere: Somewhat minimalistic without going overboard. Not cold, not cozy. *6/10*

Service: It wasn’t all that busy and we waited a pretty long time to get our food. The boyfriend’s food came more than 5 minutes after mine. Poor coursing. The server, however, did comp our coffees. *5/10*

Price: Expensive for dim sum, but good dim sum for the money. I wouldn’t recommend Monsoon just for the American brunch– you can get better brunches for less money elsewhere. *6/10*

Overall: *7/10*

Summary: Well-prepared, consciously-devised food. Very good dim-sum, good American brunch. If you like dim sum and hate driving to Renton, come here. If you’ll only be having American brunch, go elsewhere.

Txori – Foodie’s Review

Food type: San Sebastian style tapas (nearly everything is served on bread)

Menu: Non-shareable snacks and drinks most of the day

Location: Downtown in Belltown

Atmosphere: A bar which really isn’t, a back room with low tables, a front room with high tables, polished Scandinavian-looking chairs and a general relaxed pace; not too hip-I could take my parents here if they ate octopus

In attendance: I wasn’t paying much attention to the crowd-surprisingly though a lot of solo diners/drinkers

Service: Fair; have to flag waitresses down just like in Spain

Quality of ingredients: Good (anchovies-”good”; bread-”fairly good”; chorizo-”fairly poor”; duck confit-”fair”; octopus-”good”; blood sausage-”fairly good”; oxtail-”good”

Foodstuff eaten:

• Tortilla Espanola (onions, eggs, potatoes, and a squirt of garlic mayo) – “Good” – I liked this. Very simple. Slightly spongy.
• Gilda (anchovies, olives, pipparas, and piquillos–on bread of course) – “Fairly good” – This is a textbook example of the muddy, unrefined taste booby trap that much of traditional, rustic Spanish cuisine falls into if isn’t careful. And this isn’t careful. It’s clashing. To point out one failing of the dish, the flavorless piquillos show how even government controlled products can be wildly inconsistent.
• Chorizo con chocolate (chorizo, which was quite bland and metallic topped with shavings of dark chocolate of a decent quality) – “Poor” – My familiarity with Spanish food is certainly not encyclopedic, but I’ve never run across this combo–chocolate and olive oil, yes, but not this. And it didn’t work for me. Either it takes a dab hand to bring it into alignment or it’s a case of flavor animosity.
• Pan Tomaquet y Pernil (bread rubbed with garlic coated with squished tomato then topped with spanish ham) – “Good” – There seems to be a theme emerging here and that’s the realization that Txori does simple well. I liked it if isn’t obvious.
• Ensalada de Pato Confitado (a “salad” of duck confit, orange, and romaine) – “Fair” – This wasn’t horrible, but it suffered from weak execution of what is a classic pairing. Plus the confit was only mediocre but this is more attributed to mediocre duck than execution.
• Pulpo de Feira (Russet potatoes, octopus, ‘tear’ olive oil–how poetic!, and Spanish paprika) – “Good-great” – Same dish as at Harvest Vine but in a slightly smaller portion. This is actually much better than at Harvest Vine because this version was more aggressively seasoned (in a good way).
• Piquillo con Morcilla (Blood sausage with a piquillo pepper blanket) – “Fairly good” – I’ve had basically the same dish at Harvest Vine but for some inexplicable reason this was better. Perhaps less is more.
• Tartaleta de Rabo de Toro (Braised oxtail in a little tart with garnishs that I can’t remember) – “Good” – The oxtail was well-braised and tasted distinctively of oxtail. The rest of it was unmemorable, but who cares when eating good meat.
• Albondigas con salsa de Marsala (Pork? meatballs served in a Marsala gravy) – “Fairly poor” – This was probably the worst flavored dish of the night discounting the imprudent pairing of chorizo and chocolate. The gravy was fatty and lumpy and destroyed the meatballs which were actually fairly good.

Complaints: overstretched creativity, some poor execution, inconsistency of ingredients (lagrima oil, which is very good and the flavorless piquillos), only Gitana sherry, which is the Bud light of sherries

Plaudits: well-executed simple tapas, wide variety of Spanish wines, fills a neglected niche, good place to relax with a glass and some snacks

Cost: most individual tapas were under $4 dollars which is quite reasonable, but they also aren’t serving ventresca tuna or spider crab like in Spain. The shareable tapas, of which the meatballs were one, were upwards of $8-10. The drinks, of course, are a little pricier, but most wines by the glass for under $10.

Overall rating: 6.5/10

Recommended?: Yes for snacks and a drink

Visited: Spring 2008

Belle Epicurean – aka Belle’s Buns – Fauxdie’s Review

Taste: I am a connoisseuse of all things bad for you (cf. my review of chips at Sonrisa), and I always, always get the pain au chocolat when I grab a pastry. Belle’s p au choc is quite good, my second favorite in the city. The chocolate is semi-melted and the pastry has a nice buttery flavor without making you feel like you’re going to immediately suffer a heart attack (although, in our health-conscious society, is this a good thing?). *8.5/10*

Drinks: They use Caffe Vita espresso, but the execution of lattes and mochas is consistently inconsistent. *6/10*

Texture: As to be expected, the texture of the pastries change depending on the time of day. If you don’t arrive early in the morn, they heat up your pastries, which makes them semi-soft without being mushy. The chocolate in the pain is semi-melted, which is a step above p au choc at other bakeries, where it feels like they just shoved a couple of old chocolate bars in the middle of a soft croissant. *8.5/10*

Prettiness: The pastries look like pastries, the desserts look pretty (and appetizing), but the espresso drinks look lazily-made. *7/10*

Atmosphere: Black-and-white tiles, 2-3 seat bistro tables, and some benches that look like you should be confessing instead of eating. Not good for large groups. Cool old espresso machine and clean pastry cases. Downtown. *6/10*

Service: Inconsistent. Sometimes they bring you your food and coffee, other times they yell your order while others your order sits on the counter until you realize that it’s your job to get it. Really, though, you’re at a pastry shop– do you expect to be waited upon? *6/10*

Price: Not significantly more expensive than other bakeries in Seattle. *7.5/10*

Overall: 8/10

Summary: Great place for a couple of people to split a few pastries, although for some reason this is not the first place that comes to mind when I want a pastry. If you’re not too much of a coffee snob (though you should be; you live in Seattle), grab an espresso as well. The espresso is tolerable, and is certainly not a deal-breaker. The pastries are where it’s at, and this is the perfect place to spend a quiet Sunday morning downtown.

Belle Epicurean – Foodie’s Review

Food type: French Bakery (Brioche sweet buns, savory buns, sandwiches, viennoiseries, etc)

Menu: Breakfast and Lunch

Location: Downtown near the monstrously angular library

Atmosphere: Classic French black-and-white tiled floor, polished brass espresso machine, minimal number of tables

In attendance: Sometimes it’s empty, sometimes it’s packed–well-dressed older ladies, late 20-something couples with a subaru, and the downtown business lunch crowd

Service: Inconsistent; fairly efficient

Quality of ingredients: Good (i.e. brioche-”good”; fruit-”fairly good”; bread-”good”; meat-”fairly good”; chocolate-”fairly good”; pastries look “good”)

Foodstuff eaten:

• Regular Brioche Pecan Bun (semi-flaky brioche tasting of pecans and cinnamon) – “Good-Great” – This runs from really good if fairly fresh and warm to fairly good if you get here at one o’clock
• Lemon Brioche (same brioche as above but tasting of lemon, topped with a confited lemon slice) – “Fairly good” – I really love chewy and bitter rind as found in marmalade and I wanted to like this more, but the lemon flavor wasn’t very direct, more muddy actually
• Pear Almond Brioche (ditto on the brioche, but filled with bits of pear, some rum raisins, and almonds) – “Fairly good” – Again the straightforward idea was not as crisply executed as I would prefer; not a ‘clean’ flavor
• Dark Chocolate Walnut Brioche (same brioche, but generously drenched in dark chocolate with walnut chunks) – “Fairly good” – The exemplar of the theme at Belle’s; good conception combined with good ingredients resulting in only a fairly good final product; muddy might be too harsh, especially for pastries I like to eat, but they taste like what your dilettante baker of a Grannie might make if she knew how to make brioche
• Raspberry Macaroons (a slightly cool almond cookie sandwich) – “Good-Great” – the raspberry filling is quite well made and delicious, too; the cookie can be a little standoffish in its flavor, though
• Croissant with pure butter (extremely buttery but not quite the overkill of Besalu’s or the crispiness of Grand Central’s) – “Fairly good” – If I lived downtown, this would be my daily croissant
• Black Forest Ham sandwich (a crisp thin ficelle lightly draped with fairly good quality black forest ham, some passable quality gruyere and insignificant fixings) – “Fairly good” – Not the best sandwich around, but definitely a solid choice for lunchtime
• Muffuletta (overly thick egg bread, fairly good quality meats, fair olive salad) – “Fair” – If you really want a muffuletta this might be your best option in Seattle, but you’ll need to redecorate–first cut out half of the bread on each side (not easy to do because the sandwich is so tenuously held together), then scoop off half the olive salad, and enjoy

Complaints: poorly made espresso; some warmed-over, muddy flavors; muffuletta unbalanced

Plaudits: fairly high-quality ingredients; some items are more than just edible; fills a void for quality sticky buns

Cost: all the buns are just shy of $4 which isn’t terrible, the sandwiches are under $5 for a half, but the pastries seem to be more expensive. Update forthcoming.

Overall rating: 7.5/10

Recommended?: Yes for pastries or a light lunch

Visited: Winter 2007, Spring 2008

Sonrisa – Fauxdie’s Review

Taste: For a Mexican restaurant, their food is certainly lacking in heat. Also, inconsistent across 2 different visits (both lunch). Really, I like the chips best, and they are consistent(ly greasy and delicious). *5/10*

Drinks: Delicious margaritas in a variety of flavors, and only $4 at happy hour! *9/10*

Texture: The foods have the expected textures, for the most part (what should be crunchy is, and what shouldn’t be isn’t).. However, the salsa is very gloopy– weird! *7/10*

Prettiness: C’mon, this isn’t a fancy restau. It’s in the U-Village and it’s Mexican. 3 stars for the effort (which is usually a squiggly squirt of sour cream across the platter and a curled red pepper “flower”) *3/10*

Atmosphere: Warm tones without garish colors. Ugly carpet that doesn’t match the rest of the restau. Fire in vacuum tubes?! *4/10*

Service: All hostesses and servers have been very friendly and attentive. Bar staff 2 hours before closing on Friday night, not so much. *7/10*

Price: The lunch menu doesn’t save you much money. *5/10*

Total: *5/10*

Summary: Better than Azteca, the next-nearest Mexican restaurant in the area. Slightly fancier than Chipotle, and without the long lines. Give it a shot for chips and salsa (don’t splurge for the $8 guac!).. and definitely the margaritas, blended or on the rocks.

Table 219 – Foodie’s Review

Food type: Semi-creative American

Menu: Brunch

Location: On the Broadway strip on Capitol Hill

Atmosphere: Poorly lit (in spite of the sun outside, but that may be a fluke), simple bar and tables kind of place

In attendance: Older solo males, small groups of gays, larger groups of 30-something friends, my parents, my girlfriend and I

Service: Slightly hard-boiled, inattentive, indifferent

Quality of ingredients: Fair to good (i.e. thick-cut bacon-”good”; OJ-”fair”; apple-”good”; eggs-”fair”; bread (from Macrina)-”good-great”; pancakes-”fair-good”; fruit-”fair”)

Dishes eaten:

• Eggs Benedict with hashbrowns as the muffin and tomato sauce as the hollandaise (this “clever” idea fell flat-lazy and insipid) – “Poor” – Why are we regressing?
• Chocolate chip pancakes (fluffy batter chock full of decent chocolate chips) – “Fairly good” – Nothing mindblowing but pleasant to fill up on
• Breakfast combo (very thick bacon, tasty if a bit dry and workaday eggs) – “Fair” – Make at home
• Omelet with feta (what you’d expect) – “Fair” – Edible but I’m still unconvinced Greek cuisine has legs beyond its “authentic” niche
• French toast with peaches and cream (nice Macrina bread taken down a slight notch by an uninspiring batter and the peaches once again suffer from the musty curse from cooking–even Frog Hollow Farm’s peaches are nearly as offputting) – “Fair” – Appealing idea suffering from both lazy execution and inherent characteristics of the ingredients
• Orange and Apple juices (the orange was slightly acidic with a moderate amount of sweetness, definately fresh-tasting, but overall flat in flavor; the apple was a touch too sweet for my tastes but overall very drinkable) – “Fair” – On par with the decent packaged orange juices at Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s

Complaints: poorly conceived menu; inattentive service; dark atmosphere

Plaudits: prices; grilled bread; bacon; pancakes; apple juice

Cost: reasonable entrees (up to $12 or 13 at the most I think); side dishes (up to $6 bucks I think)

Overall rating: 5.5/10

Recommended?: No for brunch; although I’m willing to try dinner

Visited: Spring 2008

Sonrisa – Foodie’s Review

Food type: Neo-Mexican with touches of Spanish (gazpacho?)

Menu: Lunch, Dinner, and Happy Hour

Location: University Village

Atmosphere: Confused “hip” a la Amber in Belltown; lame flame vacuums; carpet as ugly as Union’s; big booths

In attendance: Senior couples; 20-something mother-daughter teams; odds and ends; frat guys during happy hour; my girlfriend and I

Service: Friendly, clueless, attentive

Quality of ingredients: Poor to fair (i.e. chips-”fair”; guacamole-”fair”; chicken-”fair”; carne asada-”execrable”; soup-”fairly poor”; spring rolls-”fair”; tequila in standard margarita-”good”)

Dishes eaten:

• Pumpkin cream soup (tastes like orange-colored cream with pepitas for crunch) – “Poor” – Straight from the udder
• Chicken tortilla soup (not exactly chicken tortilla soup–tastes more like chili con carne, but one of the most edible things here) – “Fairly good” – Best bet for the foodie-inclined unfortunates eating here
• Spring rolls (somewhat edible, but the fusion by way of Asia evident with the plum sauce is an unwelcome touch) – “Fairly poor” – Dip and regret it
• Carne Asada tacos (meat might be sourced from Les Schwab it was so oily and rubbery) – “Execrable” – Straight from the La Brea tar pits
• Enchilada Alta (reminds me of Chipotle in that there’s no coherence–the ingredients aren’t exactly dissonant but they’re definitely not playing in tune) – “Poor” – Confused and poorly executed
• Roasted Ancho Chicken Burrito (again, no coherence and overly generous portion–I think the poor conception, mediocre ingredients, and poor execution of the dishes are at fault–only that, huh?) – “Poor” – If you must, order the green sauce on the side
• Tres Leches Cake (a huge and vulgar portion of one of my favorite cakes. Not bad, but not very good either) – “Fairly good” – Order without the whipped cream

Complaints: incoherent fusion-like food; relatively steep prices (for the type and quality of food); repugnant atmosphere; salsa’s gloopy like Agua Verde’s

Plaudits: good quality margaritas (especially during happy hour); chicken tortilla soup; chips (if hot); friendly service

Cost: moderately high for entrees ($11-26); reasonable for appetizers ($4-10); drinks ($7 for the house margarita which is quite good and $75 for the millionaire’s-I’ve had a shot of Gran Plata and while smooth, is not worth that kind of money–just get the house margarita); desserts are moderate (up to $10 I think)

Overall rating: 4/10

Recommended?: No for lunch or dinner; Yes for drinks

Visited: Spring 2008

Monsoon – Foodie’s Review

Food type: Neo-Vietnamese

Menu: Brunch

Location: Sleepy part of Capitol Hill (with plenty of parking!)

Atmosphere: Casual, slightly hip (certainly not “than thou”)

In attendance: Asian families, the beige Capitol Hill-types, couples, my girlfriend and I

Service: Inattentive, slow, and a touch rude, but in the final tabulation, apologetic–not a deal-breaker

Quality of ingredients: Fair to Good (i.e. eggs-”fair”; pork belly-”fairly good”; salad greens-”fair” (so they appear); dim sum-”fairly good”; shrimp-”fairly good”)

Dishes eaten:

• Banh Xeo (pancake with minimal amount of pork belly and shrimp and an overabundance of bean sprouts-overcome by ordering an extra side of pork belly and tucking that into the void)-”good”–Slightly better than at Green Leaf and worlds better than at Tamarind Tree
• Dim Sum (Pork Shumai was “solid and faithful”–much better than at Imperial Garden in Renton but only serviceable by Chinese standards; Crispy shrimp wontons were not all that crispy nor were they “wontons” but rather crab-cake shaped har gow–”good nonetheless”; dipping sauce was on the weak side-”fair”
• Brioche French Toast with carmelized pineapple, Fried eggs with meat jus and tarragon, and Berkshire Pork Belly (French toast was middling-seems a concession to traditional brunch sensibilities; pineapple nearly flavorless-”fairly poor”; eggs were of decent quality but greatly enhanced by jus-”fairly good”; pork belly was slightly carmelized (braise carmelization, not broiler carmelization, slightly dry on the outside and tasting slightly of star anise-”good”)

Complaints: service; no real vietnamese coffee (like at Tamarind Tree); dipping sauces (more refined than but lacking the punch of TT’s sauces)

Plaudits: banh xeo; pork belly; dim sum; victrola coffee; neighborhood

Cost: Dim sum on the high side of normal ($4.5 to 5.5); Vietnamese entrees (hovering just under $10); American entrees (up to $14); sides (pork belly is very reasonable at $5.5); desserts (a bit high – $6 considering entrees are only slightly more expensive but they appear homemade); drinks are reasonable (up to $5 for coffee)

Overall rating: 7/10

Recommended?: Yes

Visited: Spring 2008